Caregiver Boundaries...Advocate Like a Rare Mother

November is Caregiver Appreciate Month. As in my last writing I shared what has happened in the last year and a half in our house, in that you can also see how my role as a caretaker is now in a different light than just two years ago. Being a caregiver is something I have really always been, it comes naturally to me, but I would be lying if I said I was not looking forward to a break from it for at least a few years of true empty-nesting. And just like when our son got his initial diagnosis back in 2015 and there was a sense of grief, there has again been grief....

In my grief there have been times where I have had to create some boundaries. As someone who has my whole like been outgoing and worn my heart on my sleeve, this was a big change for me. Sometimes these boundaries were hiding/blocking once friends/co-workers on social media platforms if the drama that came with them was causing me stress. I could not let everyone into our little, safe circle right away, but could not handle people who brought with them extra. I know that in doing that feelings were hurt and bridges may have been burned, but for once in my life I have learned how to create boundaries that protect my emotional well-being.

The harder part of setting boundaries has been with those who I truly love. I am not always an easy person to love and in my deep greif of the last year and a half, loving me became even more difficult. I have had to tell those that I truly love, who are dear to me some of the things that they do that hurt me. As an empath at heart, it hurts me to tell other people something that may hurt them, I know they have their own private battles/hurts too. When push came to shove, I was at a breaking point and had to take care of me and my heart.

I share this because when people talk about appreciating caregivers, I want to talk about the emotional toll, the grief, the boundaries that we have to set which may seem extreme or unnecessary to some. Usually for Caregiver Appreciation Month I talk about giving the person a physical break - some respite care, etc... or getting them a physical gift to show appreciation. Those our necessary and valid too. And caregivers, do the self care that you deserve, but maybe include some boundaries in that plan if it preserves part of yourself. If you need permission, permission has been granted!!