My Cup is Overflowing....

It has been a minute since I have been on here. And since then our rare kiddo has had his first all inclusive vacation out of the country and turned 21! To say that I am blessed is an understatement. I am blessed because many along this rare and chronic journey do not get

to celebrate that many birthdays with their child and I am also blessed because after a season of a lot of pain and grief for us - we are in a place of joy!!

I have always been a passionate person. I would say that passion is a word that describes me to a "t". When I feel something I feel it with my heart, I feel it through and through, and pretty much everyone around me knows how I feel. I know there are times that I have pushed others away because of my passion, because this life I lead is not at all what anyone expects when you get married and start a family and because I have never been afraid to share my journey and my feelings about this journey.

There are times when others do not understand the excitement that I feel over our rare son accomplishing something that seems so ordinary to others at the same stage of life that he is at. But when you have sat at your son's bedside unsure if he will make it through this crisis, unsure if he does how he will be - every one of those steps is a celebration inside me - and because of my personality I share it.

The best way to explain it is that our oldest son has fought through his own battles with his health, but has stayed on track or ahead of the curve achieving what his peers are expected to achieve. From the minute he was born, my cup has been overflowing with pride, love, and excitement watching him grow into the young man that he is today. With our younger son, our rare kiddo it is different - that cup that was always overflowing or at the cusp of overflowing with our oldest has not always been there. We have gone through the indescribable feelings of not knowing what tomorrow will bring, if there will be a tomorrow, and each time some was taken from that cup. So, when he accomplishes those things my cup is overflowing just as it is for our oldest, but it comes from a cup that had much further to go to get there. I am hoping that description makes some sense as I write it - like it does in my mind's eye.

No, I am not happier for our youngest and his achievements than I am when our oldest achieves something, but they are each coming at it from different places, facing different obstacles along the way. I can see how at times it appears I am happier, prouder or more excited for our younger , but that is not the case. Being a parent is not like splitting your heart in half for (in our case) your two children, but it is like having two completely separate hearts. They both feel completely full of love, pride and joy for them, but they both see the struggles, the different paths to get where they are going. And where they are going is completely different, yet just as exciting, and hopefully as rewarding, even if in different ways.

This may be a rambling of a mother's heart. But is a mother who loves both of her children with all of her heart - who is so proud of all that both have accomplished and are accomplishing. Most importantly I am proud of the people that they are, the way they use their minds and their hearts.